Valentine's Memories? Splendid!

This is me acknowledging that I haven/t written anything in a month.  This is me moving on.

So.  A long, long time ago, I started hanging out with this boy right before winter break during my freshman year in college.  We spent a lot of time messaging each other on AIM (nobody texted yet, and he didn't even get a cell phone till years later) and getting to know one another.  I visited him during break, and he introduced me to his favorite movie, The Blues Brothers, which I had surprisingly never seen.  We continued talking throughout break, and when I got back to campus for the spring semester, we made our relationship official.  Ten years later, we just celebrated our anniversary with a trip to the Chicago Art Institute and a show at Second City.

Recreating a masterpiece at the Art Institute.  Obviously.

Seeing as how this relationship was still very new at the time, this boy still felt the need to woo me on our first Valentine's Day.  (For the record, he still tries to woo me every once in awhile!)  He asked me the super obvious, but still sweet, question of what my ideal date would be.  I answered him honestly: 

I kid!  I kid!  I told him it would be having Italian or Chinese food (my two favorite cuisines) for dinner and seeing Led Zeppelin (my favorite band) in concert in San Diego (my favorite city in the US).

Valentine's Day was on a Saturday that year, so we planned to celebrate on the actual holiday.  My roommate and I went shopping and picked out a snazzy new outfit for me to wear - a pair of black pants with thin red pin-striping and a black wrap shirt with a red sparkly cami underneath.  The idea was that I could wear the outfit again to events other than Valentine's dates.  We went back to the dorm where I spent way too long trying to straighten and smooth my frizzy curls.  I had no idea what the plan was for the evening, but I was ready for anything!

The landline (we still had those back then!) in our room rang as someone from the front desk called to tell me I had a visitor.  He couldn't have picked me up at room, because I lived in an all-girls dorm, and my room was protected by no fewer than 4 secure doors, otherwise I'm sure he would have made the trip to my door.

As we drove off campus, he told me that unless we had wanted to eat dinner at 4pm or 10pm, all the nice Italian restaurants in town were booked, and he hadn't found a "fancy" Chinese restaurant in town, so he hoped I would be okay with Japanese food.  I assured him that would be fine, and we pulled into one of our local Japanese restaurants.  

I had only had teppanyaki (wah-cha-cha food, in my family - an onomatopoetic phrase to describe the sound of the chef cooking your food) once before, and I was excited to be seated at a teppan table that night.  Of course since it was Valentine's Day, the restaurant was crowded.  Teppan tables that usually sat 8 people were crammed with 12 patrons all expecting their dinner and a show.  To our left sat a couple in their early to mid-thirties.  They were married, and we later found out (read: overheard) that they had a couple kids at home with a babysitter who was charging them extra because it was Valentine's Day (rude).  They started bickering long before we were seated next to them, and the close proximity of strangers who could hear every word of their conversation did nothing to deter them from picking at one another for the duration of the meal.  

The couple to our left looked to be in their late teens/early twenties.  They seemed pleasant enough... until it came time to order.  Despite the fact that the guy had specifically requested they sit at a teppan table, neither partner felt compelled to order from the teppanyaki menu.  He ordered chicken teriyaki, and she ordered shrimp tempura.  Luckily I was still on my best behavior on this fancy date in this new relationship, otherwise eyes would have been rolling and sarcastic comments would have been stage whispered.  Watching the chef prepare your food is a pretty entertaining part of the meal in a place like that, but when you order from the regular dinner menu and don't show an appropriate amount of love for the onion volcano, you need to rethink your restaurant selection.  Despite the lackluster table neighbors, and our pathetic chopstick skillz (Yes, with a Z. Duh.), we managed to have a great time and thoroughly enjoyed our meal.

After dinner we headed to our next location, which was still unknown to me.  He made a cute little joke that even though we were heading west, no part of our date was actually going to take place in San Diego, but we could pretend if I wanted.  We ended up at Parkland College at the Staerkel Planetarium.  The planetarium offers the typical star show fare, but until a couple years ago, they also did laser light shows.  It just so happened that on that particular Valentine's Day, they were showing a Led Zeppelin laser light show!  I was ridiculously thrilled about that.  The planetarium also did Pink Floyd and The Who shows, but it seemed like fate that it happened to be Led Zeppelin on that night.  It was so dorky and so silly and so perfect.  

After that we went back to his place for dessert, where I found out he had made me brownies.  No boy had ever baked for me before (and come to think of it, the only thing he's baked me since then was a loaf of bread), and it was sweet (pun intended).  The whole night was so well planned and so thoughtful that to this day, I refer to it as the best date ever.

Since dinner out on our first Valentine's Day proved to be crowded and full of unpleasant people, we started a new tradition the next year.  Now we take turns making each other a nice dinner.  We eat it at the table instead of in front of the TV.  There's often more than one course and definitely more than two food groups.  There's music playing in the background.  He usually sticks with simple food prepared well - he knows I'm a meat and potatoes kind of girl.  Also, the year he made whole trout, I had to cover the head of mine with a napkin, because delicious as it was, I don't like being able to look my entree in the eye whilst I consume it.  I usually get in a little bit over my head, and try to do something extravagant as evidenced by last year's meal.

Spending a cozy quiet Valentine's Day at home is perfect for us since we celebrate Christmas, our anniversary, Valentine's Day, and both of our birthdays in four consecutive months.  We typically go somewhere fancier for our anniversary, when it's less likely that reservations will be so hard to book.  This is one of our traditions that I really cherish, and I hope it's one that we continue for a long time.  Though I won't argue with the man if he wants to take me to a Led Zeppelin reunion show or to San Diego for Valentine's Day in the future!

Hazing Prevention? Splendid!

So, last week I heard a story about an organization on our local college campus that, like every other organization, does "getting to know you" activities before initiating new members.  I think icebreakers and group games are a great way to get to know potential members.  It’s also a great way for potential members to decide if they genuinely want to join a group.

What concerns me was the nature of these activities.  I was only told about two of them, so I’m sure some of the others are totally innocuous.  The two I heard about, though, gave me some cause for concern. 

Activity 1 included pledges being blindfolded, driven around campus, and dropped off at a previously unknown location (this year, the cemetery) with the rest of the initiation class, and told to find their way home.

Activity 2 paired potential new members with members form the brother organization.  The brothers competed to create the best hairstyle on their partner.  Instead of styling their actual hair, they used shaving cream as sculpting material.

As I’ve mentioned many times, I’m a member of Sigma Alpha Iota.  In addition to being a member of the fraternity, I also serve as an advisor to the collegiate chapter at U of I, and I oversaw 4 collegiate chapters during my term as a Province Officer for the organization.  SAI takes hazing very seriously, and because of this, I’m pretty sensitive to the subject.  We have a fairly strict hazing policy that forbids “any action or situation that recklessly or intentionally endangers mental or physical health or any action taken or situation created which produces mental or physical discomfort, embarrassment, harassment or ridicule.”

I’m sure my experiences in such a group are what set off the alarms in my head the moment I heard “blindfolded”.  I'm really sad that these activities happened, but I’m especially sad they happened to mostly freshman girls.  These young women are looking for support and friendship, and this is what they receive.  When one girl was told that sounded like hazing, her response was "but they didn't yell at us, and no one got hurt!"

That broke my heart.  It also made me mad.  I wish I could explain to that young woman that hazing doesn’t always end up in injury or death.  It isn’t limited to verbal abuse or alcohol consumption.  It’s about stripping an individual of his or her dignity.

The week before these incidents occurred was National Hazing Prevention week, which adds a whole new layer of frustration to the story, in my opinion.  Hazingprevention.org is full of useful information on the subject.  It has a thorough definition of hazing, as well as the difference between hazing and bullying.  There are all sorts of resources and ideas for activities.  I highly suggest checking it out.

I have to reiterate how happy I am to be in a fraternity that takes hazing very seriously.  I am so proud of my collegiate chapter advisees for being keenly aware that potential new members and members-in-training should be treated with respect.

Marching Illini Nostalgia? Splendid!

I'm feeling very nostalgic this week. It's been 10 years since I moved into my dorm at the University of Illinois and 10 years since my first season in the Marching Illini.  I can't help but feel grateful for the amazing experiences I had and people I met through my time in the Marching Illini.

It's been 10 years since I walked in to my dorm and found my roommate Rachel's dad building furniture in the hallway.  Ten years since I peeked into our cigar box of a dorm room and found Rachel's mom asking her , "which drawer do you want your dance clothes in?"  I remember looking at my parents with a hint of concern: she's a dancer? Lord help me.  (LOVE YOU, RACH!)  

It's been 10 years since I walked into the Harding Band Building (where it smells like piss) for my first MI band camp. My section leader John greeted me by name for the memorization test.  I thought it was really nice that he had taken the time to memorize the names of all the freshmen before camp started. I remember seeing our section shirt for the first time and realizing I had found my people. The section shirt that year was the iconic image from Animal House of John Belushi sporting a "COLLEGE" shirt and chugging a bottle of whiskey, except the whiskey was replaced with trumpet.  People who loved marching band AND Animal House?!  I had found my people!

It's been 10 years since I was among 12 people piled into a compact car to get to dinner.  Ten years since I first sang the Alma Mater at the end of dinner.  This, of course, lends itself to silly jokes at every bando wedding we attend (and there have been a lot).  It goes something like this:
*glasses clinking*
Non-bandos: Kiiiiiiissss! Kiiiiiss!
Bandos: *humming the first chord of the Alma Mater*  Hahaha, oh, wait, this isn't band!  Kiiiiiiiiss!  Kiiiiisssss!

It's been 10 years since I met my boyfriend.  We didn't start dating till months later, but he was there from the beginning.  During our first conversation, he told me that his brother and I share a hometown.  How weird is that?

It's been 10 years since my first note of Revised Entrance Number 3. Ten years since my first Three-In-One.  Any Marching Illini Fossil will tell you that both experiences are unforgettable.  The first time you play Revised with the full band in rehearsal is magical, but it doesn't even compare to the first time you play it at the first home game for the fans.

It's been 10 years since I got hopelessly lost on the walk back to my dorm my first night, stopping to discreetly pull out my map under the street lights to try and figure out where I was and how to get home.  It's been 10 years since I followed Stacey and Emily home the second night to avoid a repeat of the first night. It's been 10 years since Stacey and I became friends.  We're entering our 8th year of living together, and none of that would be possible if I hadn't stalked her on the way home from band camp.

It's been 10 years since I met my GL Kyle on the "Whoopasphalt" during freshman basics. Having met his cousin that summer at church camp, she told me to look for "the one with the hair". She was not wrong.  Kyle became one of my dearest friends in college.  We even worked together for a couple of very sassy years.

It's been 10 years since Elder Trumpettes Emily, Lisa, Cheryl, and Katie all recruited me for Sigma Alpha Iota, telling me it was a group of women who liked music (and food!).  I skeptically attended the first informational meeting.  Ten years later, I've held numerous positions throughout my collegiate and alumnae chapters, as well as volunteering as a Province Officer for three years.  Ten years ago, I never would have guessed SAI would be such an important part of my life.

I loved my college experience, and such a large part of that was because of the Marching Illini.  Because of that organization, I found my friends, my chosen family, amazing mentors, and the love of my life.  I owe so much to those people who helped shape who I am as an adult.

I only hope the current members of the Marching Illini enjoy their experience at least half as much as I did.  Umgawa!